the why

The why

You know the saying life happens when you’re making other plans? Well I had a 5 year plan, a 10 year plan, and if I thought of it long enough a 15 year plan. Guess what happened? Life did. This past year life has showed me the plan you may have yourself is different than the plan God or the universe has for you. This last year I’ve had set backs and disappointments in my career, personal and family life. From an objective standpoint, people normally describe me as successful, accomplished, smart, beautiful, and someone with their head on their shoulders. It is only when I caught a glimpse of my life from others point of view do I see how my life may appear to other people. So where was the disconnect? Why was it so difficult to appreciate what I have and the experiences I have gone through? What was missing was gratitude. Gratitude is not just a word it is a practice. Yes, I am grateful. But do I live gratefully? Not all the time. Am I always loving? No. am I always forgiving? Not at all. When you’re not always loving and not always forgiving you aren’t practicing gratitude. It is a practice, a habit you form. Just like the habit of drinking coffee in the morning with 2 sugars and 2 milks even when you actually do not want coffee at all. You do it because it becomes a part of who you are. I wanted gratitude to be a part of the way I lived my life, something I drank that soothed my soul every day.

Looking back on hard times throughout my life, I realize that every time someone was brought into my life only to be taken away it was always for the better. In fact I cant imagine being who I am today if some of my relationships hadn’t deteriorated as they had. Some disappeared into the sky like a helium balloon, they’re there and then they’re not. Others, it was more like a car bomb going off, okay several, and all that’s left is burning heat, fragments of memories flying through the air and the only ones that stick are the bad ones. The heat from the explosion is almost unbearable at times and yet you resist the urge to run into the fiery flame because its oh too familiar. We’ve all had these relationship endings.  I am not unique in that experience. I have become estranged from family members, friends and lovers. like many of us have! And you know what, that’s okay.

I guess now is good time to discuss the other why in creating this blog. Living truthfully. I have always been a big fan of the truth. I know what you’re thinking.. who isn’t a fan of the truth? Well a lot of people actually. I never got lying. I just didn’t get it. Living truthfully isn’t only about telling the truth to other people its about telling the truth to yourself first. You cant be honest with others unless you’re honest to yourself. So all of this  has led me to this blog. If living truthfully, being grateful and loving is a practice then why not give myself homework? School was something I was always good at! I am going to attempt to  blog everyday for a year, sometimes it will be a line, a paragraph, a quote, or a song. It will be about gratitude and appreciating LIFE as it is not how it we think it should be. Think of it like a gratitude journal. All of this has been inspired by the likes of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, Gretchen Rubin author of the Happiness Project, Brene Brown, and Oprah’s Lifeclass Series.

Everyday is not going to be a good day and sometimes it will be hard to write in this blog but I am going to try. For the sake of everyone out there who feels lost and ungrateful, or anyone that wants to take a break of this highly judgemental, overly negative world out there. inhale gratitude exhale expectations 🙂

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